I have to be honest, it felt a little clunky logging back into my blog and trying to remember how to write a post, let alone upload photos. Blogging used to be something so second nature to me, a part of my weekly routine. But then life happened, a devastating divorce, a TBI from a horrendous car accident, a long recovery from both, two moves, job changes, a pandemic, and I guess the blog just took a back seat to all of that. I can’t believe it’s been two years since I’ve sat down and written here. But it does feel good to be back and I will forever be thankful for this little space on the internet.

If you’re new here, for the last several years (with the exception of last year), I have written a blog post every year on my birthday sharing what I’ve learned as I’ve walked through and healed from heartbreak and trauma. I initially started sharing because I didn’t think I could survive what had happened in my life, it was just so imaginable. But through the grace of God, a lot of hard work, an amazing therapist, and incredible friends and family, I did survive what I thought had broken me beyond repair. So I wanted to share what helped me not only survive, but thrive, with the hope that it might help someone else out there too. And goodness the response over the years has been incredible. The relationships we’ve built, the stories we’ve shared, the tears and triumphs, it’s all been so humbling and beautiful. So here I am, on my 41st birthday, after another harrowing year, trying to put into words how I made it through, again in the hopes that it might resonate with someone out there reading these words. So here we go!

1. Sometimes bad things just happen and there isn’t always a reason or explanation. I’ve been doing a lot of unlearning and relearning these last few years. And I think the saying “everything happens for a reason” is a toxic message we throw around to kind of slap a Band-Aid on things, or a way to try and make the heavy stuff a little less heavy. It’s actually something I have recently been trying to stop myself from saying to other people when they are going through a hardship, and something I’m trying to unlearn myself. With everything that’s happened in my life the last few years, I can’t tell you how long I’ve spent searching for, or trying to reconcile the “reason” for it all. Especially this last year when I found myself in a similar scenario to my marriage. Sex addiction, betrayal, infidelity, they were all there again. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked God “why?” the last few months. Pleaded and begged for a reason. And honestly, I have come to the conclusion that God didn’t put me in that scenario to teach me some big lesson, or for any particular reason at all. The things that happened were the choices of another person. And the burden of that is not on God to give me a reason, or on myself to figure one out. Because the truth of the matter is, He delivered me from a horrible situation. A situation far worse than I even knew at the time. He was my rescue from the lion’s den and as hard as this last year has been, I am forever grateful for that protection.
2. Trust yourself, and trust your gut. This is one I’ve shared before, and something that has been hugely impactful in my life. Call it intuition, call it the Holy Spirit, but listening to those gut feelings can save your life. Truly. I remember reading somewhere a while back that “gut feelings are guardian angels” and I absolutely know that be true. When I was married, I would have this crazy anxiety that I couldn’t place. I knew something was horribly wrong, but I didn’t have any proof or even know what to look for. Just feelings. So I ignored them, and explained away the anxiousness. When the truth was finally exposed (as it eventually always is), all of those terrible feelings and fears I had had for so many years all suddenly made perfect sense. And it’s something my therapist and I have really worked hard on these last few years. Trusting and being in tune with yourself is so important. And I learned that lesson again this last year. I had started experiencing nightmares and those familiar anxious feelings again in my relationship. I couldn’t put a finger on it. Things were so seemingly perfect. But something also wasn’t feeling right, I just didn’t know yet what it was. So I trusted myself and I started doing a little more research and what I discovered was beyond shocking. Nothing was what it seemed. I had been sold on a lie from day one. Manipulated by my past. And as painful as the fall out has been, I am forever thankful I trusted myself and my gut feelings and got out.
3. Spiritual Trauma is not God, it’s people. I have seen so many people walk away from the church these last couple of years due in part to spiritual trauma. I myself have walked through my own spiritual trauma, losing the church I loved in Salt Lake in a pretty terrible way, being spiritually manipulated in my last relationship, and then being betrayed by someone who was a dear friend and spiritual mentor. The hypocrisy has been astounding. And the hurt it caused during an already devastating time in my life has been almost unbearable. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to turn away from God because of all of it. But I’ve come to realize that none of those things were from God. And I guess it kind of circles back to my first point, sometimes bad things happen and sometimes people are just bad. I also think good people can sometimes do bad things. But again, through it all, God protected me in every scenario. He was the constant. Never wavering. So if you are someone who has walked away from God or the church because of spiritual trauma, I would encourage you to remember that those things that hurt you were people. And while I know it’s easier said than done, do not let people or the messy imperfections of humanity negatively impact your relationship with God. That relationship is between you and Him. And I’ve found myself, that as I’ve removed the people and the institution from my relationship with God, I’ve been able to go even deeper with Him.
4. God is always good, even when life is not. This is a hard one for me and something I’ve been really working to fully reconcile in my heart. It’s easy to trust God and believe He is good when life is good. When things are going your way, when life is turning out the way you planned. It can be a little harder to trust Him and His goodness when the wheels fall of and the hard things happen. Especially when it feels like you just can’t catch a break. But we live in a fallen world. Bad things will always happen. Life won’t always turn out the way we hope and dream of. It’s been a heartbreak for me not to have a partner and children. And it likely will always be a grief that I carry in my heart. But that doesn’t mean God isn’t good. And it doesn’t mean that He doesn’t love me. He might not be able to fix everything, but He can certainly carry us through the storm, give us a safe place to land, and forever be our rear guard. Isaiah 58:8
5. Joy and sorrow can exist beautifully in the same space. I used to have such a black and white view of the world. Go to college, marry your college sweetheart, start a career you love, have a family. Be happy. And goodness, my life could not be further from any of that. I think I also thought when you were happy, you were happy, and when you were sad, you were sad. But life is complicated, as are our emotions. And I think I’ve found this past year that I’ve had some of my deepest joy and happiest experiences, during some of the most devastating and heartbreaking times in my life. But it takes work to get there. I’ve had to learn not to be afraid of my feelings, to allow myself to feel them, the whole range, to sit in them when I need to, and persevere through them when I can. To laugh through the tears, and allow myself to fight for happiness even when things feel impossible. I think the older I’ve gotten, and the more life experience I’ve had, I’ve come to realize I’m very rarely all happy or all sad. And that my friends is life I think, the good the bad and all the messiness that lies in between.
6. What’s done in the darkness will always be brought to light. Sometimes when I look at the world, or my own life, it’s hard not to despair when I think of the the darkness. But then I am always reminded that no matter the circumstance, light will always outshine the dark, and what’s done in darkness will always be revealed by the light. I have experienced this time and time again myself, and have witnessed it in the lives of other as well. So if you are finding yourself in a season of darkness, do not despair. Remember that even the smallest ember of light can ignite a fire. You will never be left in the darkness, nor will darkness overcome the light of the world. The light of goodness will always prevail, and your light has an important place in the world, so fear not, and let that light of yours shine!
7. You are not your trauma or your heartbreak, but rather they are a part of you and your story. I remember when I first came home from Oklahoma after calling off my engagement, I asked my mom if I would be sad forever, and if I was destined to have a sad life. It makes me teary thinking of how that felt. The sadness was so suffocating, I wasn’t sure it would ever go away. But a year later, even though I think my life will always have an undercurrent of sadness for the things that have happened, I can say with certainty that I am a deeply happy person. I’ve really fought to not let the hard things harden or define me, but rather refine and make me a better person, soften me. I don’t always get it right, but I try my best. Everyday I want to be kinder, more empathetic, stronger, better. It’s a choice and a fight to rise up and not let myself drown in an ocean of sorrow, because honestly, sometimes it feels like that would be easier. But what kind of life would that be? Not the kind of life I want to experience. Not the kind of life anyone wants to experience. So for me the fight is worth it. And I refuse to let these last few years be anything other than a chapter or two in the beautiful story of my life.
8. You never know what is just around the corner. Good or bad. Wonderful or heartbreaking. We really never know what’s coming. I shared on my IG stories how I was so happy on the eve of my 40th birthday last year. Dancing on a rooftop with two of my best friends, laughing the night away. I had no idea what was about come to light or what would happen in the following months. But I also had no idea where I would be today either, on my 41st birthday. And here I sit, back on my blog sharing my life, deeply happy, a new career that feels like it was made for me, the best friends (lots of new friends too!) and family a girl could EVER ask for, and so much richness in my life both relationally and experientially. I truly have more than any one person deserves. And because we have no idea what’s next, it makes me want to work harder to be fully present in my life, not just let it pass me by. Enjoy the here and now. Be grateful for every moment I’m in. Give thanks for the blessings I have. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, but we always have the promise of today. And I want to be the type of person who makes every single today matter.

So with that, cheers to forty-onederful! I am so relieved to put the last year behind me and embark on all of the hope and promise that this new year is sure to bring. And even though my optimism is cautious (and rightfully so!), it’s there and it cannot be suppressed. If you follow me on Instagram, then you might remember that my word for the year is RISE. One of my best friends gave that word to me and it couldn’t be more fitting for where my heart and my life are. So here’s to a new year and rising like a phoenix up from the ashes.

Thank you all so much for being here and for your support. I can’t tell you how much each and every single of you mean to me. Love you all BIG.

xoxo,

Abby

It’s hard to believe another year has come and gone and I’m sitting here pondering the last year of my life yet again, trying to put something meaningful into words to share with all of you for my annual birthday post (you can read last year’s here).  To be honest, this one has been tough to write. Perhaps because it’s been another year of things not going as planned, and another year that’s felt heavy, and laden with loss.  But as seems to be the case with each year that passes, I also continue to find myself digging in and finding the lessons, the good.  And of course clinging to the in-between moments that have been filled with peace and joy. Which is what I hope I can somehow put to words today.

I remember a couple of years ago, my mom referring to my journey as that of a butterfly.  As excruciating as what happened to me was, as she watched me struggle to reconcile and rebuild my life, she also knew something good, something beautiful would come from it, even thought it might be a long process and journey to get there.  And how right she was.  But just like a caterpillar, had my journey been cut short or not complete, I would never have had the chance to rebuild a happy life, just like a caterpillar who’s process is cut short, never has the chance to be come a beautiful butterfly.  It’s a really beautiful metaphor when you stop think about it.  Because the reality is, we will all have struggles and trials that will come in this life.  But I have found, first hand, that it’s often in those struggles where strength is born.  And courage.  And grit.  And beauty.  And kindness.  And character.  And HOPE.  I truly, truly believe beautiful things can and will emerge from every struggle and trial we face in this life.  We were all meant to become butterflies.

So with that said, here are the things that come to mind as I take stock and look back on the 38th year of my life, and look forward with hope and anticipation to year 39:

Happiness is worth fighting for.  I lived a majority of life with happiness as my default.  It came totally naturally for me.  But I also think that caused me to exist a bit in auto pilot.  So when things suddenly came crashing down, I found myself having to fight for happiness, and to seek out joy.  But I’ve found because I have to fight for it, recognize it, and don’t take it for granted anymore, happiness has become deeper and more fulfilling for me.  Sometimes it’s as simple as taking an inventory of the things I love.  Letting go of things that no longer serve me. Writing down things I’m grateful for.  Setting some goals. Having boundaries. Making choices to protect or create joy in my life (even if those choices feel hard).  Being intentional about being with people or encouraging them.  Choosing to spend time doing things that I love.  Even on hard days, I try and find at least one thing I can be grateful for, or try and do at least one thing that makes me happy.  Even if that’s as simple as a cup of coffee in the morning or telling someone I love them.

It’s ok to struggle.  This one feels particularly hard for me this time around.  Sometimes I look back at the last 5 years and they feel so long, and I feel so weary.  And I’m honestly tired of the struggle.  I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the Enneagram, but I am a 9 (the Mediator) with a strong 1 wing (the Perfectionist).  And while I have a deep desire for inner peace, the perfectionist in me is also quite strong.  Particularly that brutal self critic. And sometimes when I struggle, I find myself frustrated that I can’t just get over it.  But the reality is, we all struggle and we’re all going to keep struggling.  And that’s ok.  Whether it’s something small, or something big, or even if it’s something you think is silly, it’s ok to extend grace to yourself and to be how you need to be, and feel what you need to feel.  We don’t have to be perfect, or pretend that we are.  I actually find when I let myself feel the struggle, and sit in and allow myself to work through what’s going on, I feel exponentially better. In fact, this morning I had a good cry when I woke up, alone on my birthday.  It felt heavy and hard, because of course waking up alone is not how I would have ever expected to kick off the 39th year of my life.  But I let myself cry it out and move through that grief, and now I feel like I can be present and truly enjoy the rest of my day.

Life (or pieces of it) probably won’t work out the way we hope or plan for.  I talk about this one a lot, because it’s particularly applicable and difficult for me.  It’s something I’ve been working though and I’m learning how I can be ok, happy even, if my life doesn’t have the outcome I dream about.  But in recognizing that, as hard as it does feel sometimes, it has also allowed me to stop thinking, I’ll be happy when…, I’ll be happy if…It’s forced me to be present, to fight for my happiness, and to recognize that happiness starts with me first.  No matter my circumstances. There are so many things we can’t control in this life, and if we put our focus there, it’s difficult to be present and appreciate the now.  Even if things look different than how we thought they might, there is always beauty somewhere to be found.

Grief never really goes away.  When I started out on my journey, I think I thought about grief as something that disappears over time.  But what I’ve learned, is that it doesn’t. Of course it changes, and it takes up different space in our lives and hearts as time goes on.  But that grief, that loss, is something that will forever be a part of us and our journey.  The important piece however, is allowing it to refine us, rather than define us. I’ve also learned the importance of recognizing what it is, and how it might present itself. Particularly as time goes by, or when we aren’t expecting it. Grief is a part of all of our stories, and it certainly shapes us, but it isn’t who we are.

Change is hard, but necessary.  I don’t love change.  You can ask any of my friends.  Haha!  But for the last couple of years, I knew I needed a change from the SLC.  Even though I have the best friends I’ve ever had in my life there, I just wasn’t happy in Utah anymore.  And so I made the excruciating, yet exciting decision to move home to Montana (you can read more about that here).  And it’s been hard guys.  I am not going to lie.  But at the same it’s also been really amazing. And while my heart has been more at peace here than I can ever remember it being, I also recognize that part of my heart will always be in Utah with those friends. But in the end, even thought part of it will always hurt, I’m so grateful I made that hard decision to follow my heart home to my beloved Montana and family.  I can promise you guys it’s worth it to do the hard thing.  To make the change you need to make.  To do that thing that’s been pressing on your heart.  Even if there are pieces of it that hurt, it will be worth it.

Life is hard, but we don’t have to be.  As I’ve watched our world collectively shut down these last couple months, and our lives as we know them be drastically changed, and stripped down to the bare necessities. The heart break of job loss, isolation, illness, and death has made me angry. It feels horribly unfair.  And it is.  But instead of letting that anger take hold, I’m trying to think about what good I can do instead.  Where I can grow and how can this hard situation make me better instead of bitter?  I’ve said this in previous posts, but I don’t want the hard things to harden me.  I want them to strengthen me, but also help me to be a softer, kinder, more considerate person.  And so in this season I’m finding myself trying harder than ever to be kind to strangers, to encourage the people I love, and to find joy in the simple things.  The other morning I had coffee at my parents, socially distanced on their front porch.  When I got in the car to drive home, I was so frustrated because I haven’t hugged them or even been in their house in weeks.  BUT that simple coffee date also ended up being the highlight of my week.  And it makes me grateful that life has slowed down so much that I can truly appreciate moments like that, instead of just glossing over them in the hustle and bustle of every day life.

People and relationships mean everything.  When I lost everything as I knew it in my life a few years ago, it was the people around me that remained steadfast.  My family and my friends.  And in this challenging season that we’re all experiencing, where loss is swirling around us, it’s very much the same.  We may be isolated and with out jobs, or the ability to do things we used to normally do, but the people in our lives who we love remain.  And at the end of the day, that to me is what matters the most.  Year after year, this continues to be the greatest lesson, and the most important gift that I have in my life.  And I am forever thankful for all of the incredible people I am blessed to link arms with and share in this big beautiful, sometimes heartbreaking existence.  We should ALL be so lucky.

Photo Credit: Hope Kauffman (go find her on IG: @hkcameraface)

And as always, I just want to say a HUGE thank you to all of you who have been following me on this journey.  Your kindness and encouragement towards me really means the world.  I feel like I have a whole army of people cheering me on from afar, and that is pretty incredible.  So here’s to 39, and making this last year of my 30’s count.  The good  the bad, and every single moment in between.

LOVE YOU GUYS!!

xoxo,

Abs

And just like that, October has come and gone, and the holiday season is officially upon us.  Can you believe it?  I feel like this year has absolutely flown by.  And I know Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be here before we know it.  Which has already got me thinking about holiday outfit ideas.  Anyone else with me?

Cabi officially released their holiday new arrivals to the public today and I couldn’t be more excited to share two of my favorite pieces with you.  I actually styled the same denim, cami, and heels for both looks, but just changed up my Cabi topper and hair.  Crazy how different both outfits turned out, but either would be perfect for Thanksgiving or a Holiday Christmas party.

Look #1: Holiday Blazer

Look #2: Dressed Up Shrug

Be sure to stop by the Cabi website, or contact your stylist to see all of the new arrivals.  And I’d love to know, which of these two looks is your favorite?  Drop me a comment below.

xoxo,

Abs

Well hello there! I can’t believe another year has passed and it’s already time again for my annual birthday post.  If you guys have been following along with me for a while, then you know I’ve walked through some pretty challenging trials in the last few years.  I wrote this post on my birthday last year, sharing some lessons I had learned while picking up the pieces of my life, and about being challenged by God to start living and dreaming again.  And so, this past year will be forever be marked as the year that I not only started to allow myself to dream again, but also the year I started to let hope rise.

To be honest, after existing in survival mode for so long, it was definitely a scary thing to step out and push myself to really start living again.  But I wholeheartedly believe that hoping and dreaming are two things essential to finding joy and cultivating a truly beautiful life.  What I’ve also found, is that they too, can open the door for more potential hurt, heartache, and disappointment.  And let me tell you, that has been a pretty major wrestle for me.  So as I’ve been writing this post and thinking about what I wanted to share in this space today, and what I’m taking away from this past year, it would be that despite the hurts and disappointments I’ve encountered, opening myself up again has absolutely been worth it. I’ve grown even stronger in the hard places, learned more about empathy, and maybe most importantly, it’s what has allowed me to push forward, moving closer towards the life I’ve always wanted for myself.

So with that said, in traditional birthday post fashion, here are the lessons I’ve learned that I wanted to share.  And in doing so, my hope would be that something in this post would resonate with someone out there who is needing to read these words today.

1. Opening your heart is worth the risk. Part of me can’t believe I’m saying this, because if I’m being totally honest, there were a lot of moments this past year where I wished I hadn’t opened myself up again. Wished that I wouldn’t have let romance back in.  Wished that I hadn’t been so trusting of new friendships and people in my life.  Wished that I wouldn’t have made certain changes in my life that I did. Wished that I hadn’t allowed myself to dream for the things that I wanted that didn’t work out. In fact, there were even times I felt angry at myself for doing so.  But as I’ve worked through the hurt that’s come from some of these experiences, I can also look back more objectively and see the incredible lessons and the growth.  And I fully believe we don’t get anywhere in life by playing it safe.  Because all of these moments, the good and the bad, are propelling us forward, ultimately helping to shape us into better more compassionate people if we let them
2. Things don’t happen to us, they happen FOR us.  I was recently at an event and heard this phrase and it really struck a chord with me.  I think living in grief and trial, it can sometimes feel easy to fall into the role of a victim.  But allowing yourself to process and grow through the pain can really create space for us to realize our full potential, and find strength and purpose within ourselves we didn’t know that we had.  I have grown in ways that I never would have without the pain and loss I’ve encountered.  And I’m proud of that, because it’s made me a much better person.  Even though it’s hard and can sometimes feel impossible, the times that feel like they will break us, can actually refine us if we let them.
3. Trust your instincts. After walking through so many years of lies and betrayal, getting back in touch with trusting myself has been one of the more challenging journeys for me this past year.   And deciphering my fears from my gut instincts has definitely come with a learning curve.  But I am finding over and over, if something feels off, it probably is.  If we feel like we shouldn’t do something, then we shouldn’t. If someone is giving us a bad vibe, then there is probably a reason. Our bodies have this incredible ability to sense things, especially as women.  So when something in your gut feels off, trust that.
4. There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind. This is my favorite quote by C.S. Lewis. And when I pause to think about it, it really allows the hope to rise up in me.  Because isn’t it beautiful to know there are better days ahead?  Happy memories we’ve yet to make? And incredible people we’ve yet to meet?  Our lives might carry within them a lot of sorrow and hard times, but those will always be beautifully intertwined with so much joy and happiness. I am truly believing the best is yet to come.  For all of us.
5. Choose JOY. I’ve thought about this so much over the past year, because at the end of the day, our happiness is really up to us.  And having joy in our lives is something we can control, a choice we make daily.  Now don’t get me wrong, I know this can be incredibly challenging, and there are still many days where I fail to choose joy.  But the more aware I’ve become that having joy in my life is a choice I can make, the more intentional I am about pursuing it.  Whether it’s saying something nice to myself, reminding myself how blessed I am, or writing down something I’m grateful for, I’ve found recognizing anything positive helps to create this shift.  Even if it’s just one thing you can find joy in every day, it’s a starting place.
6. You are enough. If you keep up with me on Instagram, then you know that “enough” is my word for the year.  In the fall out of losing my marriage to my partner’s sex addiction, it made me question every single thing about me, both physically and personally.  The trauma of it all left me feeling completely unworthy, that I was not and am not enough.  And with that also came the burdens of fear and shame.  As I’ve been working to heal from those things, I think one of the hardest parts has been realizing that I am not alone in those feelings.  That we all feel inadequate, or unworthy in some ways.  Whether it’s that we feel we are not doing our part, that we aren’t good enough, or pretty enough, or successful enough, or smart enough. We have been conditioned by society to believe these lies and run ourselves ragged trying to be enough, when in fact we already are.  Because the truth is, there is no one else like us on the planet.  We are all unique with an individual call on our lives.  No one else can do what we can do, or be who we are destined to be. We were each beautiful and wonderfully made.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your unwavering encouragement.  I am so grateful for all of the messages and comments.  I truly think of you all as my friends and am forever grateful.  So with that, here’s to a new year, new adventures, new lessons, and most importantly, continued growth towards becoming the person God intended for me to be.  Cheers to 38!

 

Love you all!  xoxo

 

On my birthday last year, I remember being at home alone, sitting in the dark on my brand new pink couch in my brand new house, and crying. It was not the way I had envisioned starting out the 36th year of my life, alone and grieving the loss of my 10-year marriage that had been ripped apart by my partner’s sex addiction, and crippled by a head injury that I suffered from a horrible head-on collision on my way to the gym 4 months earlier. Nothing in my life was the way I thought or dreamed it would be. In fact, it felt like everything I had worked for, and invested in, and believed in had been taken away from me. And there I was, turning 36, in the middle of starting my life completely over again.

I shared this post with you guys on that day last year, talking about the things I had learned walking through the most difficult season of my life, and how I survived. But as I wrote those words, what I didn’t fully anticipate, was not only how incredibly hard, but how incredibly wonderful the upcoming year was going to be. And as I sit here today looking back, there is so much I am thankful for.  It has been a year full of so much growth, but also one filled with immeasurable sorrow. There were times when I felt like the old me again, and times when I didn’t recognize myself at all. The tears were plenty, but so were laughter and joy. Adventure and travel started to find their ways back into my life, but I often found myself wanting to be alone more than I ever had before. My friendships continued to grow steadfast and deep, but I also learned it was ok to keep my inner circle small. I experienced times where I’ve never felt so loved, and also times where I couldn’t fathom feeling any more alone. There were days it felt too hard to face the world, and days I knew I was going to be ok. I grew braver, and stronger, and more compassionate, but also felt myself turn inward at times, becoming more introverted, quiet and shy. But through it all, as I’ve picked up the pieces and kept moving forward, one thing is and has remained good and constant in my life, and that is God.

And so, in typical birthday blog-post fashion, I wanted to take some time to reflect, and share with you guys the things I’ve learned this past year, as I continue to figure out how to navigate this big, beautiful, sometimes heartbreaking life, and what I’m looking forward to as I embark on year 37:

1. The world will break us all at some point, but how we come out on the other side is our choice. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt completely defeated by the events of the last couple of years. It’s definitely felt easier at times to the let the bitterness and sadness win. But I made a choice and a promise to myself early on, that I was going to fight for me and fight for happiness. And while sometimes it’s a lot of work, it’s still a choice I’m making every single day.  The fight for ourselves is worth it.  YOU are worth it.

2. Grief is a process, and it’s different for everyone. We place a lot of expectations in our society around how things “should” be, including grief and loss. But I’ve learned there isn’t a standard way to walk through loss. My brother has a lyric in one of his songs that says: “grief is like a storm; the power comes in waves.” And in my grief, these words often echo in my head. Sometimes I feel so happy, and then before I realize what’s happening, I’m back in the thick of things. And it’s definitely been a process to find patience and grace for myself as I learn to navigate what grief and healing look like for me.

3. Surround yourself with people who will truly do life with you. I am so fortunate to not only have an amazingly supportive family, but also incredible friends who are my “framily”. They aren’t afraid of my grief process, they love me through the hurt, they understand when I need to be alone, they see the good in me when I can’t, they celebrate break through, they fight for me, and they cheer me on every step of the way. I’ve never experienced friendship on this level before, and I am so very grateful for and humbled by the love, and work, and vulnerability we all pour into one another. They have been the game changers in my life these last couple of years and I am forever grateful.

4. If life doesn’t turn out the way you hoped it would, you can still find happiness. This has been one of the most challenging and important lessons for me in all of this. While my life doesn’t look anything like I thought it would right now, it is still filled with so much goodness. From family, to rich friendships, to opportunities and experiences I’ve opened myself up to this year, a successful career, a beautiful home, etc. I am so very fortunate. And truth be told, I wouldn’t have a lot of the amazing things I have in my life right now, if I hadn’t experienced the trials. God will make beauty from ashes, if we let Him. I can promise you that. (Genesis 50:20)

5. Trust in God’s plan for your life. When I look back at the trajectory of my life, the plans that were laid, the timing, the pieces that have fallen into place, I can’t help but to trust what God is doing. And while getting from point A to point B might not be the way I envisioned it to be, I am trusting in God’s purpose, surrendering to His plan for me, and valuing the lessons I am learning along the way. And I can tell you, that makes the day to day a lot easier to get through, resting in that trust. (Isaiah 26:3)

6. Dream BIG. If you follow me on Instagram, you might know that my word for the year is “dream”. When I began the process of rebuilding my life last year, I had been in survival mode for so long, that it felt scary and impossible to hope and dream for anything. But not having hopes and dreams left me feeling such a huge void, because those things have always been such a big part of who I am. So as I kick off this year, I am working on letting myself hope and dream for the future, not being afraid to ask God for the things I want, and being ok if those hopes and dreams don’t necessarily work out the way I want them to. A lot can change and happen in a year, so here’s to 37 and everything that it will bring!! (Jeremiah 29:11)

I also just wanted to say thank you guys so much for stopping by the blog today. I know it’s been a long time since I shared any content here. As you can probably tell from this post, it’s been a busy year for me. But it feels good to be back in this space, and I am actually planning on relaunching my blog in the near future (it’s all part of that hoping and dreaming thing). So definitely stay tuned for more details. But in the meantime, THANK YOU. TRULY. You all have been such an incredible support to me these last couple of years and I will be forever grateful to each and every single one of you for the continued love and encouragement.

 

xoxo,

Abby